Erhebung

"the state of being in an uplifted state, risen"

I can't say that I have felt this "erhebung" feeling in quite some time...until today- I felt at least a little bit of a rising, mentally. I recently decided to give up on one of my biggest hopes, some would say that is insane, but if you knew me then you would understand and I am sure you'd be happy for me. I went for a long drive last night....actually it was 12:30am and thought...a lot, about a lot. I was finally able to go home and sleep at 2am (good thing I wasted a whole lot of gas now that the prices are yet again rising). I slept...yes, for the first night in a long time I slept until my sister woke me up at 8:30am...EARLY for me considering I have been laying in bed until approximately 1pm nearly everyday (just enough time to get ready and go to work). Granted it took a lot for me to actually get out of bed because I woke surprisingly depressed (perhaps a lingering dream that I didn't remember).

I was driving to work this morning, the beauty of the valley and the music (Bright Star soundtrack) helped set the mood I think...I felt a sort of weight taken off my shoulders but I couldn't figure out if I liked that feeling or not. Still, I feel that lightness- I feel different. I am excited for the changes that are coming in the near future yet also hesitant to make any changes that are TOO big! As always.

I have been having a lot of recurrent dreams lately and one of them is about moving to Carmel, CA. I fell in love the moment I arrived in Carmel for the month of August and I would do anything to go back. I think that I really may move there at some point in life (hopefully sooner than later) just to have the experience. This makes me think of Eliot "we had the experience but missed the meaning"- too often we miss the meaning. Maybe we misread the meaning because of our own twisted perceptions and our habit to think things are a certain way when they are really not.

Because of the dreams I have been having lately, I decided to run into my very own personal library...six shelves and still not enough room! That's nothing though, one day I will make myself a library just like the Beast's in the Beauty and the Beast. So, I ran and grabbed the book Wisdom of the Mythtellers by Sean Kane. Yes, this was a book Dr. Sexson had us read in Oral Traditions. I am engrossed in these stories and the beauty of the creation stories. My group presented the section on dreams which is probably why this book was so prominent in my mind when I woke up one morning. I am so excited to blog about this section and have had so much fun looking back through my notes. While I am engrossed in this book, it is Eliot's Four quartets that sits directly next to me. I am in love with the quartets it is completely "destroyed" if you will, by my many colored pens.

I am enjoying this touch of Erhebung in my present life.