What we see. What we think we see.

Did Marilyn Monroe read T.S. Eliot?? She read Beckett, Whitman, Proust and Rilke; the list goes on. As I am reading a book on Marilyn, Fragments, I am drawn to her use of language and the things that she talks about such as reality and time- the present and the past. It all reminds me so much of Beckett and Eliot. She seems to fear silence the way that many of us do. Sometimes it is not so much a fear but a realization of how painful silence can seem. So why do many of us wish for "a moment of silence"? surprise you. Marilyn Monroe may have seemed to be a "dumb blonde", extraordinarily beautiful sex symbol and lived a "glamorous" life; but we are all humans struggling in the same chaotic world nonetheless.

A no good very bad day...again

This town and I are really not working too well together lately. I think that falling on my ass in the parking lot and killing my tail bone, being rear- ended and getting stuck in the drop off on the side of the drive way at work (twice) is quite enough for one week. I am just waiting for my drive up to Big Sky...let's see what excitement that brings.

To end this week I walked into Barnes and Noble and had a self- help book thrown in my face which I definitely thought was ironic. To be honest I was a bit, well taken aback and skeptical. After looking through it though I really decided it was there for a reason and I just HAD to buy it. I had to. I am actually anticipating the moment I sit down and read it without anyone interrupting me or my thoughts wandering too far as they have been lately.

Soon, I will be returning home and I am very excited to be with the family again...home. A familiar place and lots of love.

I have this feeling that soon something is going to happen in my life. I have no idea what it is but mentally I think I am ready for a change and all that will come with it, I really am. It's a really frightening feeling of anticipation for what is to come and a relief of letting go of everything that had been.
~L

Namaste

"It only takes a meeting ourselves in this moment, starting from where we are and letting each of our stories and truths surface from the simple acts of sit, write, stretch."- A word on meditation and writing combing forces.

The power of writing and meditation when combined can be breathtaking. Whenever I am in a yoga class, I am not just meditating as I should be, I am thinking...constantly. But it is a great way for me to continuously get out those thoughts in silence and stillness which we often do not get time to do. When we are meditating we think we need to solely be calming ourselves, finding the beauty in silence. That is what I always expected of myself. Now I have come to find the beauty in the silence, but also the fact that I am able to calmly think without speaking or pacing, closing my eyes helps so much to visualize my thoughts as well. Trust me. Being a nanny can really force you to enjoy silence and time alone!

I have learned so much about myself the last few months and meditating THEN writing really brings out a lot more thoughts than simply sitting down, pen to paper, forcing myself to let it out. My best thoughts, most intimate thoughts come when I least expect them to. Often times I can't write them down which makes them that much more personal and intimate. It brings a sense of peace to me in a way just knowing that I have been able to come to certain realizations and think certain thoughts which never before had occurred to me.

I have come to a point in my life where I don't speak as much as I write. I can't say I dislike this because writing in a way makes it more permanent. I can write don everything in that instant steering clear of any judgment but my own. I have come to not judge myself so harshly too. Writing things down is so much easier than saying it out loud especially if it is meant for someone else because again face to face encounters are not always the easiest. Some things are just so much better to the eyes than the ears. This could be why I much prefer to read song lyrics than to actually hear the song itself. I never thought why I preferred it to be that way until now.

I sometimes pretend that like my writings, my life is just a rough draft. If I make mistakes it will all be ok in the end. A great ending can sometimes make up for a slow beginning or re- beginning.

Grinches and Cindy Lou Who-s...

I think we have all noticed that the Holidays have approached and continue to do so at a rather fast pace. The big question is can you keep up. So many people have let the holidays bring them down for many reasons (financial issues, etc.) but really it's us who creates the stress for ourselves. Some (including my sister) have even lowered themselves to taking on the form of the Grinch and finding it "unnecessary to celebrate Christmas year after year". WOW! Calm down and carry on.

I on the other hand would like to think of myself as more of a Cindy Lou Who kind of person. I am so excited for the Holidays this year and have been celebrating for a while, I will admit. Christmas parties...Christmas stroll and the upcoming Christmas Bazaar...let's not forget the gingerbread house making!

So for all of you who are letting the financial woes bring you down- don't worry about it. Usually, the best gift is being the best person you can be throughout the entire year. It's about what you do for people every day, not one day a year. Think about it. Celebrate. Most of all just show some love because there just doesn't seem to be enough in this world.

xo
L

Fearless, not flawless

I had a very interesting conversation with someone tonight about people and our many flaws. Some people have the courage to acknowledge those flaws and simply live with them, while others deny their flaws or attempt to point out the flaws in others even more to perhaps make themselves feel better. I find this topic very interesting and have a sort of obsession with people and their flaws, not even specific people but in general. The dysfunctions of life and relationships never cease to amaze me. It creates a complex curiosity within me and causes me to ask myself questions regarding these topics quite often. It has been a long day and I think my fall on the ice today really knocked my train of thought out of order...therefore, I am unable to question anymore tonight or even focus on this topic anymore.

I thought to myself today that I would much rather live the rest of my life being fearless, taking those giant leaps that scare the life out of me and fail than to never have leapt at all. Life is too short to be scared and hold back. I'm going to jump and risk the fall.