Halloween

This was such an interesting Halloween weekend! I am so thankful to have spent this particular weekend with so many wonderful friends! Victoria and Sari helped me start the weekend with a bang. I loved every minute with them, so much laughter, few tears and so many other fun moments I will never forget! I can always count on V to make it a moment to remember! :)

On Friday, I treated myself to a new book from Vargos and a wonderfully beautiful fall walk through town! I think that I reached a moment even when I was in complete bliss. It was wonderful. I even got to spend the evening with a baby monkey :) Oh that little Wells- he made a wonderful monkey, though he was quite serious for much of our downtown adventure. That was until he discovered his costume had a tail! Yes, a long, curly monkey tail! i think saying he loved it would be a bit of an understatement. I made him stay in his costume all night because he just looked too cute! I love that he was a monkey, but as many of you know there is some (a lot) of significance and meaning behind that term for me. Why on Earth would Carrie decide to dress him as a monkey? I tried to protest when I found out but she insisted he be a monkey- fine! I went with it since he is not my child. We practiced our Monkey calls each day but I think that I was the only one excelling.

Oh, I don't even know what to say about Saturday- it was wonderful, horrible...we made it unforgettable! So.....a HUGE thank you to Sari and Sarah, Amber and Katy and so many more for keeping me sane this weekend, making me laugh and smile, and forcing me to join society. :) I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends!

The one other thing I am thankful for is my willpower to choose green tea instead of Halloween Candy. I can happily say I consumed approximately 2 pieces of candy all weekend :) Liquid calories? Yes, Please! I also discovered that I am the world's worst dancer, but I will take it on as my next challenge and will dance my little heart out as I please :)

Happiness, sadness and everything in between. Happy Halloween!

Good and Evil

Sometimes I think that late night conversations are the most interesting and thought provoking conversations. Anyways, we were discussing the idea of good and evil...or can I say Evil (because it just seems to power over the good). I don't know if it was more of a conversation/ debate or just an assemblage of alternating questions. Either way, it really got both of us thinking, especially me about this idea of Evil. Interesting since I have recently been exposing myself to more knowledge about peace, enlightenment, and buddhist values, and attaining that sort of happiness and good. Is there such a thing as Evil?

The one thing I truly don't understand and honestly don't know if I ever will is the way that people treat each other. What is the point of flashing glares, saying or doing things to intentionally hurt someone? Or are people really that blind to see that they are doing such harm?

Of course, my mind goes straight to thinking about the soul. The idea of evil being hidden in the soul first intrigued me when I was home at one point in the summer, though of course at that point I thought the entire Universe was evil. Really.

I always thought that the soul was one thing that stayed pure. The one "good" part of a person could be found in the soul, but now I wonder if that is really true and whether I should really believe this. If perhaps there is some sort of evil in the soul, can it be found in each soul, or just some. I think that perhaps some people are just born with a bit of evil in them, perhaps others develop it over a time. This evilness is like a dark cloud lingering over a person's soul blocking out not only the good they could see in themselves, but the good in others.

So what is the soul? Is it a reflection of the pure or the evil? When we die and at the very least our souls are left behind where does that evil go? What then is haunted by that evil and is it in the same form?

I could make various assumptions of my own, instead I shall continue to question...at least for the time being.

Forlorn, adieu, adieu

I have been reading a lot of poetry by John Keats and every time I fall more and more in love. I will never understand how he managed to convey, so beautifully, his feelings for Fanny Brawne. I just bought a book of Keats' poetry from Vargos the other day and immediately walked to Wild Joe's to read it and indulge with some tea...unfortunately a creeper ruined that wonderful moment so i instead opted for a 2 hour walk before work.

I watched the movie bright star earlier in the summer and fell in love with that film as well! Dr. Sexson had been telling me for months to watch it, finally I got around to it. I wanted to watch it over and over! I became so "obsessed' with it that I bought some music from the soundtrack and recitations from the film of Keats' poetry.

I cannot help but wonder what would have been had he not died at such a young age. Either way, his letters are ridiculously romantic and I am a hopeless romantic...or was. I worked for 9 hours on a Saturday a few weekends ago and it was so cold and rainy out, so Wells and I had a cozy day inside. I decided to expose him to some poetry I knew he had never heard...John Keats! For a 10 month old, he is really quite attentive to books, slowly turning the page of one, while you read the other. I felt like I should pair him with some reading glasses since he was already dolled up in his Ralph Lauren Cords and Navy blue cable sweater. I can't help but turn him into a little literary genius and the "your baby can read" infomercials are almost convincing! Well, let me tell you- he is developing into a rather handsome scholar!

My wonderful, ever so beautiful friend Sari bought me the book "Love letters of great men" for Valentine's day one year and I turned to John Keats' letters right away! It is one of my most cherished books in my library now and I find myself picking it up when I need a little boost from the usual dreariness of the days lately.

If you haven't done so RUN out and rent Bright Star...then read some more Keats and envy both him and Fanny for the ever romantic relations they had and their ways of expressing that love. Yes, it was love...it was love...

Erhebung

"the state of being in an uplifted state, risen"

I can't say that I have felt this "erhebung" feeling in quite some time...until today- I felt at least a little bit of a rising, mentally. I recently decided to give up on one of my biggest hopes, some would say that is insane, but if you knew me then you would understand and I am sure you'd be happy for me. I went for a long drive last night....actually it was 12:30am and thought...a lot, about a lot. I was finally able to go home and sleep at 2am (good thing I wasted a whole lot of gas now that the prices are yet again rising). I slept...yes, for the first night in a long time I slept until my sister woke me up at 8:30am...EARLY for me considering I have been laying in bed until approximately 1pm nearly everyday (just enough time to get ready and go to work). Granted it took a lot for me to actually get out of bed because I woke surprisingly depressed (perhaps a lingering dream that I didn't remember).

I was driving to work this morning, the beauty of the valley and the music (Bright Star soundtrack) helped set the mood I think...I felt a sort of weight taken off my shoulders but I couldn't figure out if I liked that feeling or not. Still, I feel that lightness- I feel different. I am excited for the changes that are coming in the near future yet also hesitant to make any changes that are TOO big! As always.

I have been having a lot of recurrent dreams lately and one of them is about moving to Carmel, CA. I fell in love the moment I arrived in Carmel for the month of August and I would do anything to go back. I think that I really may move there at some point in life (hopefully sooner than later) just to have the experience. This makes me think of Eliot "we had the experience but missed the meaning"- too often we miss the meaning. Maybe we misread the meaning because of our own twisted perceptions and our habit to think things are a certain way when they are really not.

Because of the dreams I have been having lately, I decided to run into my very own personal library...six shelves and still not enough room! That's nothing though, one day I will make myself a library just like the Beast's in the Beauty and the Beast. So, I ran and grabbed the book Wisdom of the Mythtellers by Sean Kane. Yes, this was a book Dr. Sexson had us read in Oral Traditions. I am engrossed in these stories and the beauty of the creation stories. My group presented the section on dreams which is probably why this book was so prominent in my mind when I woke up one morning. I am so excited to blog about this section and have had so much fun looking back through my notes. While I am engrossed in this book, it is Eliot's Four quartets that sits directly next to me. I am in love with the quartets it is completely "destroyed" if you will, by my many colored pens.

I am enjoying this touch of Erhebung in my present life.

Peace Garden

I found out at the Buddhist poetry reading that there is a peace garden being built here in Arlee, Montana which the Dalai Lama is apparently coming out for! I am absolutely amazed that an event like this would occur in the U.S. nonetheless in Montana!! I am actualally in disbelief... I attached a link to an article that discusses this and thought that it was really interesting! The Peace Garden is a place for people of all religions to come and those involved with this project are so excited and open to all visiting which I think is so great as well! I am definitely going once it is complete!!

http://www.dailyinterlake.com/news/local_montana/article_9132b78e-3a0d-11df-9a91-001cc4c03286.html

"And the walls became the world all around"

First, I have to thank Wells for inspiring me to use this as my title...We read "Where the Wild Things are" nearly every day! He loves it!

"And the walls became the world all around". I had read that line numerous times until I really thought about it aside from the book. Every day these invisible walls are created as a sort of barrier to protect us from whatever it is we don't want to deal with. We put up a wall not only within ourselves to avoid knowing or facing what we must but between us and others. Eventually, we find ourselves unable or not wanting to be kept inside those walls though, just like Max. Sadly some of us will not always have what we have been avoiding waiting there for us on the other side of these imaginary walls whether we are sailing through days, weeks or years.

I just think that this idea is interesting. Sometimes as I sit here throwing random blog posts together, I wonder...hmmm- should I really post this? Well, why not- it must get SOMEONE thinking about something! I know this thought is so random, but honestly let's all take a step back from this adorable book about a little monster child learning his lesson and apply it to an adult's life...first, mothers: don't yell at your children or send them to bed without supper because they just MIGHT run away...or pretend to. Second, we should create walls like the world all around but only if it is obscenely imaginative (humor me) and not causing us to "run away" form our troubles like silly little Max does because you know what? It leads to a big WiLd RuMpUs and longing...

So..."Oh please don't go..." I LOVE YOU SO!

Buddhist Poetry Reading

I went to a Buddhist poetry reading last week not knowing what to expect but was definitely excited about it. I have been very interested in Buddhism since my senior year in High School when we were told to read Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. The idea of being on an unwavering search for enlightenment and happiness throughout life until it is achieved and/or constantly present is so amazing to me. People often forget what we are put on this Earth for, or perhaps they are simply too ignorant to believe that it could be something as simple as living a life filled with happiness and experience in which we attain not only the knowledge of how to treat others but how to treat ourselves as well.

Sitting in Country Bookshelf, listening to the poems selected and the words of those who though not all practicing Buddhists are inspired in some way by this religion was sensational. It was especially moving because I am at both my happiest and unhappiest moment in life right now, gaining and losing something in this life every day.

Listening to the music, the speakers and the poetry I think to myself, “I want so badly just to be happy. How on Earth do these people attain this happiness? When will I be enlightened? “ I went through moments of great inspiration to moments of disbelief and confusion throughout this short lecture. It’s like we constantly challenge ourselves to be happy when in fact there really is no challenge.

I was both intrigued and troubled by this next passage:
“The past no longer exists and the future is not yet here.” I wanted to believe this, take it simply as a “live in the here and now” sort of statement, but instead of thinking so simply, I read deeper into it. I wanted to get up and challenge this and decided to write out my thoughts instead. For me, the past exists in memories, photos, or even in places themselves; the past is constantly with us and therefore exists. Right? Eliot was also in the back of my mind saying “time past and time future all point to present”. This then led me to recall Eliot’s connections between time and remembrance of past moments in The Four Quartets. The idea of remembrance is something I will not even begin to address right now.

Lately, I have heard “kill with kindness” quite a lot. But why does it now have to be that kindness kills, it’s like a mix of good and evil right there, the positive in a way becoming negative. The idea (practiced in Buddhism) that “hate does not conquer hate, love conquers hate” sounds so…how do I put it…trite but I cannot help but think that same thought to myself every day. This comprehension between good and evil, the duality is so interesting to me. So many questions go through my head as I write this and I cannot help but wonder is there evil in this world, pure evil? If so, what creates this evil? Again, this is something that I could continuously create questions about. A to reflect the evil of power: “Sell out Crow” Written by Greg Pape.

Many poems were read, thoughts shared and connections made. I walked out of the bookstore feeling like I was in a completely different world from the power hour pre-gamers (most of us know that power hour is the pre-game). I felt inspired to “kill with kindness” if you will and open my eyes more to not only differences in cultures and religions, but take something from them that would inspire or benefit me.

Wallace Stevens:
“A man and a woman 
Are one. 

A man and a woman and a blackbird 

Are one.

I do not know which to prefer, 

The beauty of inflections

Or the beauty of innuendoes, 

The blackbird whistling 

Or just after.”

Keepin' this girl a blogging

I have wanted to start a personal blog (inspiration from a past professor) and finally decided to take the time to do so. As I write this, or rather type this, thanks to modern day technology, I am debating where to begin because there are so many things I want to blog about. Since completing school at MSU I have realized that without blogs, classes and that educational social life we all have and often times dread, I am in a completely different world. So many things provoke me to explore further and do things I never would think of, but I realize with the way that my daily schedule has been going my thoughts all blend together, never get out which leads to nonsense ramble even I cannot follow. With that being said, I thought a blog would be the perfect way to release all the thoughts in my head and share them with my friends, family and others I am both near and far from. With that being said, my hope is that perhaps something will somehow connect, remind, and provoke you to think about something that you may not have otherwise come across. I also have to thank Christie for the summer conversation at the bar in Plonk…much in depth conversation led to this.