Starting now. I am beginning to cleanse my mind of stressors, slowly, one by one. Constantly having certain issues weighing on my mind is exhausting, both physically and mentally. I realize more and more each day that I need to really let go. Its not enough to simply say that i will, but the act of actually doing it is what counts. Mentally, i have been preparing myself. This is probably the hardest task because so many of my thoughts contradict each other.
All of this deeper thinking came about on my way to work today. My counseling appointment this afternoon presented a whirlwind of emotions. I don't think i will ever understand how it is possible to feel so many emotions within so little time. The human mind and emotions are 2 very complex parts of life. I will never attempt to unravel those complexities because i secretly am attracted to them.
Physically, i am rearranging, cleaning out, getting rid of things and planning a few things out on paper to post around my apartment. I am breathing a sigh of relief knowing that I will be taking baby steps to find a happier me :) I am anticipating what it will fell like, a light, fluttery and confident feeling. All i can think of is john Keats and his image of the butterfly. So free, so lively. Perhaps it was but 3 days of joy, but that is all i could ever ask for.
I am beginning now. I will be. I will live. I will love at least myself, if nothing else.
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